Love after a Fuck Boy/Girl

So you finally did it. You finally ended that bittersweet toxic relationship and it probably took you 20 tries to get it right. None of that matters. Only thing that matters now is you’re free. If you’ve been in this situation like I have, you know leaving that person alone is actually easier than moving on. It’s funny because I know that you’ve picked yourself up, stared at yourself in the mirror like: “It’s on”, “I’m about to fuck the summer up”, “I’m out here”.  You bought all the nicest outfits, reinvented your entire look, bought tickets to the hottest beaches and had a great couple of months after your breakup.  One day, after all the fun and all the trips, something triggered you. Whether it was a holiday, a wedding, or a baby shower. Something clicked, and you’re like ok I’m ready to try this shit again. 

Now that you've established that you’re ready to start dating again.  You get the ball rolling however you do it.  Sliding in DM’s, Tinder, Airdrop in the club or the old fashioned way of walking up to your crush and simply asking for their number, face to face. After you exchange numbers is where the bullshit begins. We are quick to call out everything wrong about dating, but we never want to talk about all of the self sabotage we inflict and how we subconsciously make things harder on ourselves. We end up in one of three categories.  The black hole categories that may discourage you from dating.  I'm here to help you call those phases out and check yourself. 

The Serial Dater:

This is where the people you date never last long enough for you to share them with other people. You’re not a serial dater because you’re a “whore”, but because you’re chasing what you claim to be over. For example, if your ex was a drug dealer/stripper or any type of hustler who brings in fast money, dating someone who works a regular job is going to be hard for you. You can’t just get what you want, when you want with a person that’s waiting on a check from an honest job. Maybe it’s the sex you’re chasing, and I can’t speak for the men, but women, you know great d comes with great problems. When these people aren’t doing what your ex was in the past you’re ready to move on to see if you can find it in the next person.

The Doubter:

You’re the pessimist when it comes to dating.  You think every person you’re dating has ill intent. You could be dating a person for a week and will be done if they don’t answer a call or a text. In your mind, it’s because they are laid up or have a secret family somewhere. Not thinking that a person who barely knows you does not owe you an explanation on why they chose not to answer their phone. You’re automatically defensive when they call you back, giving off bad vibes that would scare anyone away. In your mind you rather cut them off before they get a chance to tug at your heart and disappoint you. You’re taking the coward route and choosing not to take the risk at all. Treating every person you meet as if they are disposable. 

Braxton Hicks:

Do you know what Braxton Hicks are? They are irregular contractions that happen every few minutes during pregnancy. Braxton Hicks contractions are also known as false labor. I call it Braxton Hicks because it's similar to a person that thinks they're love with every person they date. You think they’re the one, skip first base, and head straight for a home run. Here's an easy way to self identify that you are indeed a Braxton Hicks, you don’t really spend a lot of time dating. You meet people and automatically declare that you’re in a relationship. You probably broke up with said fuck boy/girl a month ago and are already in a relationship with another person. 

All of these are traps are easily fallen into after getting out of a relationship beneath you. I’m not a relationship expert but I think all three categories are a form of self sabotage. It could be because of insecurities, because you believe you deserve more, or because you don’t want to be hurt again. Either way, it ruins every possibility of having something. I personally do not think that it means that you want your ex back, I do think it has a lot to do with being a creature of habit and being used to what you're used to. If I could give advice to my younger readers, I would highly recommend you to throw expectations away. Sidebar: Please do not confuse expectations with standards. Whatever your deal breaker/standards are, make sure these are met prior to sitting at the table. By expectations, I mean go into every situation not expecting anything more than a great time. Dating with a purpose comes with a lot of disappointment. Hell, I'm going to say the same to my older readers too. I don't want to hear anything about you being too old to date for fun. You're old and single, what the fuck do you have to lose?  Time is going to move right along regardless to if you're on the couch complaining about dating or out on a fun meaningless date that could possibly turn into something bigger.  You pick sis/bro. It's up to you.


(Let's argue. Drop me some of your thoughts in the comments below.)